Open letter, penned over coffee

Would you like to hear the most crippling truth about my last few days? Well if you didn’t you wouldn’t be reading now would you? That aside, I have had the most emotionally draining couple of days. Same story, different day really, stupid scum trying new methods of making my once peaceful seemingly functional life turn into a sleepless in Jamaica type of vibe ugh. Then in the same breath of being emotionally drained its almost as though I became supercharged with estrogen because feelings I was once able to keep in check just started to run loose like get-a-way bulls on a wild running of the bulls Jamaica meets Spain edition.

He never seems to understand that I am still a woman. I mean yes I talk, loud I walk loud, I handle my own steez. But babe, I’m still a woman. I still need the soft tender caress and care. I know you’ve gotten accustomed to a woman of very little needs as I like taking care of my self. Rock on feminist power! But on those once in a blue moon days I too like to just cuddle, talk about the nothingness of life even just giggle about the silly things the kids did or said today. Some days I want more than just a functional vibe. Yes we have roles, roles that we fulfill quite well I might add. I’m a kickass mother and I feel no type of way about gloating. And you are quite the hands-on father, but sometimes I need a little bit more than our well assigned roles being completed at phenomenal levels more often than not.

My kid fills water bottles for the garbage collectors, why you may ask, well he says they are his friends; and well a boy has to look out for his friends now doesn’t he? Whilst on the other hand, my daughter, man at 6-months she’s already walking around the playpen itching at the first opportunity to leap out. Which she has might I add, sigh, not one of my proudest moments. But, mommy made sure she was okay even after she fell a lot like humpty dumpty though the pretty little thing is not quite so chunky. You got mad at me because she fell. Don’t you think I beat myself to bits about it? I mean, I went berserk because I didn’t want that to happen. You apparently think I’m some God-awful mother. But I am a human being. I made a mistake by not being more alert. But I was tired honestly. And I think somewhere in you, you should understand the true nature of being tired, I mean after all, you always are!

I am not trying to make excuses I’m not trying to seek out pity, but as a busy mom supercharged to take care of the children I am only asking for three things:

Some cuddle time

Understand that I need some time to chill too. You could just be there for the sake of it. Not because I need you to do something or we are in the functionality and daily routine of what we do. Court me once in a while damn it! I’m a mom not a nun, though I am more on the path of getting right with God. So all the extras that come with the cuddle session I can do without for now. I mean, exploring celibacy could be an enlightening experience, quite Ghandi-like don’t you think? That aside a good massage never hurt anyone. Over a little wine, a little music maybe? Ha let’s not get carried away now.

Ask once in a while how my day went

I mean yes, more often than not its cookie-cutter and true to form but it wouldn’t kill you to ask. Hey babe, how did your day go? Oh hun, the kids took me for a trip. No I don’t need this to be our template and guide but you get the point. Life gets a bit lull when it is that you are stuck on a spinning wheel. Let’s reinvent it on occasion eh?

Take the children for like a few hours one afternoon

I DO NOT NEED A BREAK, all the time. Let that be my first statement to you. But, in moments like these when scum of the Earth decides to ruin a great thing I need to check out of the harsh reality for a brief moment. I do not need a constant break again, let me say that cuz boy do I love my kids and I love having them around. The incessant laughter and giggles are things I can’t really live without.

All that in mind, writing really does help ha! Find your zing mommy, whether it’s artsy, craftsy, or just whatever your zing is, do it. We are human, we are allowed to feel pain, break down on occasion but don’t unpack and leave it all there. Pick up the pieces, carry on! Breathe, meditate, pray, life isn’t as hard as some days make it feel. We are in this together!

xo,

Mom of a pair of the most amazing thirties ever to bless this Earth!

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