Parenting is no joke. It is not an act or duty for the weak nor the faint at heart.
Yesterday was the start of a new school year. I set expectations for us, daily, monthly, well just as the need arises for a new challenge. Some, lofty, but all in the hopes that we fight towards them fiercely because achieving those goals will be the greatest feeling ever. In the midst of it all, I realized that I was spiraling. This time has been difficult, each day spent readjusting to our new normal. Each day trying to strategize the best way forward to weather this stormy period. He was asked a question in class. The question came after they read a story and watched a video. He couldn’t answer, no, he refused to answer. I heard his teacher call his name over and over and he refused to acknowledge her, all while staring at me. I realized where I went wrong instantly. Last school term, I sat by his side, I removed all distractions. I became his blinder and he did well. I was ecstatic. He did well. He was ecstatic, but I realized that he felt as though he couldn’t do it without me. You may be wondering how can you surmise that from one moment? Well see, like many stories, there are so many layers to unpack, so many doors to reopen to gain a full understanding of the scope of the discussion. So please bear with me as I explore this moment with you.
I commend the parents that have it figured out. The parents that are able to leave them be, create a safe space and allow them to thrive in their own right. I felt horrible in that moment. I snapped. He was told immediately no kindle for a week, no television time for the rest of the day. He was sentenced to “no technology exile”, to face 7 days hard time. In that moment I felt accomplished, like I was doing something to help him. I realized a few hours later that I am the problem. I was a hover parent last term and now he expected that I would be his driving force towards success. But, I am now working from home on full-scale. I now have to juggle multiple jobs because this time has been trying on everyone, but for me, not providing is not an option. I slept on it and got up with fresh thoughts in mind. I read somewhere some time ago, positive parenting is important, instead of consistent no’s or you are wrong or that’s not the way. How about leveraging the goal in a positive format? How about offering solutions rather than highlighting problems?
“Mindfulness is the process of purposely bringing ones attention to what’s happening in the present moment, without judgement. It means consciously attending to being here, in this moment, right now,” as reported by Psychology Today. It has become some what of a buzz word but that by no means negates the importance of mindfulness. My pair of thirties are my greatest blessings and I try to be as present in the moment with them as possible. I try to be the best me I can be for them. As a Capricorn, being an authoritarian on a subject matter is key. I recall wanting to pursue my Bachelors in Early Childhood Education to equip myself with the knowledge to help them get ahead. I still think about it and may just pursue it. Mindful parenting is the act of being present with your children. Being aware, being present, being attentive, these are all pertinent in practicing mindfulness.
So with the dawn of a new day, I aim to be a little more understanding. I aim to be a little more present. I aim to be here with them, in the moment. I will even attempt cutting myself a little slack because a sober minded, level-headed, understanding parent can make headway.
If you are feeling a little overwhelmed today mommy or daddy, or just want to share a few words, feel free to contact me at email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org . As a community, whether digital or physical (well not at this time, lol COVID STILL AH KEEP), we can make it together.